Once upon a time, most employers had a department called "Personnel", the function of which was to manage the records and paychecks of employees. Hiring and firing was left to the people actually supervising the work. During the 70s, possibly as a result of workplace discrimination, "Personnel" evolved into "Human Resources" and a monster was unleashed by corporate America.
The United States government, out of necessity, has long had its own monster known as the Office of Personnel Management, or OPM. It is a big bureaucracy which manages to fill thousands of job vacancies every week either by outside hires or promoting from within. As big and as impersonal as it is, OPM pretty much leaves the hiring decisions to managers as long as the candidates pass the Civil Service Test and meet posted job criteria. OPM is much too big to concern itself with the details of hiring decisions. In the private sector, however, personnel directors often insinuate themselves into organizations in ways that could suggest arrogance. Over time, the HR Monster has grown into a gate-keeping function with power that challenges the highest echelons of top management. In the trenches, hiring managers and job seekers both must surmount the HR Monster's formidable obstacles and traps at every step before they can schedule the initial interview.
One of the ways the HR Monster wields its power is by turning a two-week hiring process into something that stretches across months. When it finally announces an open position, existing employees in most organizations have the first opportunity to apply for the job. Once the carefully-screened internal applicants have been processed and rejected by the hiring manager, the HR Monster, in its own time, will begin the more costly process of opening the job the public at large. This is where the hiring manager's political skills are truly tested, because the HR Monster needs to feel loved and feared, but mostly revered.
For job applicants, the HR Monster requires a trial by fire known as the on-line job application. In the pre-HR era, an applicant submitted a résumé along with a cover letter and the hiring manager contacted the applicant directly to set up the interview. This led to many "misunderstandings" and bad hires and so eventually, the HR Monster created a way to apply a bit of science to candidate screening that would improve the quality of job applicants and facilitate decision-making. Filling out a job application on paper was bad enough because it meant digging through boxes of files and piles of old records in order to fill in the dates of employment and education, as well as compensation, as accurately as possible. Once the process went on the internet, it became a form of torture. HR data entry screens require very precise answers ($24,095 as opposed to $24K; mm/dd/yy as opposed to mm/yy or simply yyyy) and certification that the responses submitted are 100% accurate. Another soul-killing problem is session time-outs. If the applicant takes too long to answer a question (because she is looking in the attic for employment records from the dark ages) the session will time-out and delete everything she has entered thus far. And, forget about including volunteer work (such as serving on an officially sanctioned citizen committee) for which there was no compensation because the salary must be greater than zero and the answer must be truthful!
Résumés allow job applicants to circumvent de facto age-discrimination because one can eliminate dates altogether. On-line job applications, on the other hand, shout one's age out loud and clear. So, if an applicant is 60 and looking for five or six years of employment to finish his or her career, the job will be offered to a younger, less qualified person because the fully qualified older worker would be "bored". The euphemism coined by the
HR Monster for rejecting older applicants is that they are "over-qualified".
So what's an over-qualified older worker supposed to do? Flip burgers, I guess.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
Selling the Farm
C.'s first reaction to being laid off was a mix of emotions: feeling free from having to work for a company that treats its employees so badly (Stalinist tactics keep everyone afraid of pointing out bad management practices), scared about the future, nervous about telling the children and his parents, but mostly numb. C.'s work would have to be outsourced at a cost of at least $650 per hour, given his level of expertise. Moreover, these service providers would require more hours to do the same work. The Company's top management apparently had not considered this in their lust for cost cutting but that is for them to explain to their stockholders.
The first thing we did was get on the phone with our financial adviser who reassured us that we had plenty of savings as long as we could lower our monthly cash outlay. Easier said than done until the children graduated college and started supporting themselves. He encouraged us not to sell our home because we had the financing structured in a way that our housing costs were extremely low especially considering the quality of our living situation. C. and I decided to take our time to let the reality of our situation sink in before making any major changes.
As the weeks turned into months and we approached the holidays, we began thinking about how we wanted to live and concluded that Florida was not home given that the children live out of state and that we had not found many kindred spirits with whom we could break bread. We bought a book entitled "Where to Retire" and began thinking seriously about a new location. Given how the internet has made it possible to work from anywhere, we decided to focus on the Atlanta/Athens, Georgia region because we both have family and friends up there.
In October, we met with a realtor who gave us a to-do list to get the house ready for selling and decided that we would list it in January, allowing us to give the girls one last Christmas in their Florida home. I had already been quite busy in the yard because 2013/2014 was going to be my year for gardening. I was going to put in a vegetable bed and upgrade the foundation plantings as well as create some new garden beds with succulents and agaves. I purchased two composting bins and began keeping a container in the kitchen for coffee grounds, vegetable waste, and eggshells. It had taken me almost ten years to rediscover my gardening mojo and my imagination was on fire. As the yard began taking shape, I remembered how we had finished remodeling, decorating, and landscaping our two previous houses only to turn around and sell them.
We enjoyed a lovely Christmas and New Year's with the children and did a major purge of unwanted, unused, and unnecessary items. It was painful at times, but mostly it felt liberating. One week after the children had returned to their respective schools, the "for sale" sign went up and within three days we had a contract and a second offer which we decided not to pursue since we were in final negotiations with the first buyers. As shocking as the job loss was, the quick sale and accelerated move-out schedule were worse. Suddenly, we faced the prospect of being homeless until we found a new place to live. We were simultaneously euphoric at having sold the home so quickly and panicked at how to keep it together with two big dogs while house and job hunting.
After we had a fully executed contract, I began packing for the move with the assumption that we would temporarily store most of our possessions until we found a new home. I bought boxes, bubble wrap, huge rolls of packing tape and a dispenser, and turned the guest room into my workroom. I started with the two sets of china C.'s parents had gifted to our daughters. Then I wrapped and boxed photo albums as well as glasses and serving pieces that we only used at holiday times. I had accumulated an impressive stack of boxes when my husband came in the room with a look on his face that suggested someone had died. "Who died?" I asked, with a pit in my stomach. "Our sales contract. The buyers figured out they can't afford it after tying the property up for nine days and costing us that other buyer." Because I was expecting a funeral, the loss of the sale was not too upsetting. "Shit," I said. "Shit."
Putting the house back on the market meant moving all of those heavy boxes into the guest closet and returning the house to its show-ready state. And then, the winter of 2014 shut down the airports which send the sun-seekers to Florida. Until some lucky person buys this beautiful home on 3-plus acres of tranquil Florida countryside, my full time job is housecleaning; which is OK except, 2013/2014 was also supposed to be my year for writing. I recite the Serenity Prayer several times every day and ride my horse as often as possible.
The first thing we did was get on the phone with our financial adviser who reassured us that we had plenty of savings as long as we could lower our monthly cash outlay. Easier said than done until the children graduated college and started supporting themselves. He encouraged us not to sell our home because we had the financing structured in a way that our housing costs were extremely low especially considering the quality of our living situation. C. and I decided to take our time to let the reality of our situation sink in before making any major changes.
As the weeks turned into months and we approached the holidays, we began thinking about how we wanted to live and concluded that Florida was not home given that the children live out of state and that we had not found many kindred spirits with whom we could break bread. We bought a book entitled "Where to Retire" and began thinking seriously about a new location. Given how the internet has made it possible to work from anywhere, we decided to focus on the Atlanta/Athens, Georgia region because we both have family and friends up there.
In October, we met with a realtor who gave us a to-do list to get the house ready for selling and decided that we would list it in January, allowing us to give the girls one last Christmas in their Florida home. I had already been quite busy in the yard because 2013/2014 was going to be my year for gardening. I was going to put in a vegetable bed and upgrade the foundation plantings as well as create some new garden beds with succulents and agaves. I purchased two composting bins and began keeping a container in the kitchen for coffee grounds, vegetable waste, and eggshells. It had taken me almost ten years to rediscover my gardening mojo and my imagination was on fire. As the yard began taking shape, I remembered how we had finished remodeling, decorating, and landscaping our two previous houses only to turn around and sell them.
We enjoyed a lovely Christmas and New Year's with the children and did a major purge of unwanted, unused, and unnecessary items. It was painful at times, but mostly it felt liberating. One week after the children had returned to their respective schools, the "for sale" sign went up and within three days we had a contract and a second offer which we decided not to pursue since we were in final negotiations with the first buyers. As shocking as the job loss was, the quick sale and accelerated move-out schedule were worse. Suddenly, we faced the prospect of being homeless until we found a new place to live. We were simultaneously euphoric at having sold the home so quickly and panicked at how to keep it together with two big dogs while house and job hunting.
After we had a fully executed contract, I began packing for the move with the assumption that we would temporarily store most of our possessions until we found a new home. I bought boxes, bubble wrap, huge rolls of packing tape and a dispenser, and turned the guest room into my workroom. I started with the two sets of china C.'s parents had gifted to our daughters. Then I wrapped and boxed photo albums as well as glasses and serving pieces that we only used at holiday times. I had accumulated an impressive stack of boxes when my husband came in the room with a look on his face that suggested someone had died. "Who died?" I asked, with a pit in my stomach. "Our sales contract. The buyers figured out they can't afford it after tying the property up for nine days and costing us that other buyer." Because I was expecting a funeral, the loss of the sale was not too upsetting. "Shit," I said. "Shit."
Putting the house back on the market meant moving all of those heavy boxes into the guest closet and returning the house to its show-ready state. And then, the winter of 2014 shut down the airports which send the sun-seekers to Florida. Until some lucky person buys this beautiful home on 3-plus acres of tranquil Florida countryside, my full time job is housecleaning; which is OK except, 2013/2014 was also supposed to be my year for writing. I recite the Serenity Prayer several times every day and ride my horse as often as possible.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Things Change
One of my favorite movies of all time is "Things Change", starring Don Ameche, about an elderly shoe-shiner named Gino who agrees to take the rap for a murder he didn't commit, serve three years in prison, and live on the generous paycheck promised at his release by the local mafia chief. On his last few days of freedom, Gino's handler -- Jerry -- played of Joe Mantegna decides to give him a fun weekend of gambling in Lake Tahoe. While there, Gino manages to charm his way into a deep friendship with a major Nevada crime boss who has mistaken him for a mafia kingpin, and "things change."
In real life, things change too. In July, my husband and I took a fun vacation to California to celebrate our new status as empty-nesters. Both children had apartments of their own and were on track to graduate college within the next two years. It was time to think about retiring because C. had just turned 60 and planned to work another five years. He was working long hours and was under constant pressure from his clients to close multi-billion dollar financing transactions for the Fortune 500 company he was employed by. In the first half of 2013, he had closed nearly $7 billion in financings and was on track to double that amount by the year's end. In late August, the company announced a massive layoff resulting from a six-month study aimed at reducing the annual operating budget. There had been quite a bit of internal propaganda touting the anticipated benefits of this so-called "momentum" project leading up to the layoff announcement, and everyone, except my husband, was worried about being fired.
On the Monday following the layoff announcement, my husband went to work as usual and was met by a number of his staff who expressed concern about losing their jobs. He assured them they had nothing to worry about. They were all over-worked and involved in the life-blood of the company. C. had a full day of conference calls scheduled and was on the phone with a lender in Europe when his secretary knocked on the door and said that Human Resources needed to speak to him urgently. "Oh, no," he thought, "I'm going to have to let someone go."
As he walked through the atrium separating the two main buildings, C. mentally rehearsed how he was going to break the news to the one employee he thought might be vulnerable and fought back a wave of nausea as he did. She was a single mother with two school-age children and no savings. Letting her go was wrong because she knew her job and did it well without complaint or excuse. When he arrived at the HR representative's office, his boss was there. Suddenly it dawned on C. that the impossible might happen.
"Good morning, C. How are you?" he asked.
"You tell me," C. responded warily.
"Have a seat," said the boss. "Your position has been eliminated, effective immediately. Liz will explain your severance package to you."
"Is this a joke?" asked C.?
"I'm afraid not," said Liz.
"Good luck," said the boss. He extended his right hand which C. was too stunned to shake, and walked out the door.
When I returned home at noon from running errands, C. was there. I asked to what I owed this lovely surprise.
"I'm fired," he said. "Effective immediately."
"Just like that? No 'thanks for your service', no 'we regret having to let you go', no acknowledgement that your work had made and saved the company millions of dollars every year?"
"Nope. I did, however, get to keep my Blackberry once they wiped it clean of every contact and email and photograph without regard to whether it was business or personal."
"Sweet," I responded with just a hint of sarcasm. "What about severance?"
"Six months," he said. "I guess they think it's easy for a guy my age to find another job."
Wow.
That just happened. So much for celebrating the empty nest and planning a comfortable retirement. So much for sacrificing weekends and vacations in order to close deals on time. So much for the notion that if you work diligently and honestly you will succeed. It's enough to give corporate America a bad name.
In real life, things change too. In July, my husband and I took a fun vacation to California to celebrate our new status as empty-nesters. Both children had apartments of their own and were on track to graduate college within the next two years. It was time to think about retiring because C. had just turned 60 and planned to work another five years. He was working long hours and was under constant pressure from his clients to close multi-billion dollar financing transactions for the Fortune 500 company he was employed by. In the first half of 2013, he had closed nearly $7 billion in financings and was on track to double that amount by the year's end. In late August, the company announced a massive layoff resulting from a six-month study aimed at reducing the annual operating budget. There had been quite a bit of internal propaganda touting the anticipated benefits of this so-called "momentum" project leading up to the layoff announcement, and everyone, except my husband, was worried about being fired.
On the Monday following the layoff announcement, my husband went to work as usual and was met by a number of his staff who expressed concern about losing their jobs. He assured them they had nothing to worry about. They were all over-worked and involved in the life-blood of the company. C. had a full day of conference calls scheduled and was on the phone with a lender in Europe when his secretary knocked on the door and said that Human Resources needed to speak to him urgently. "Oh, no," he thought, "I'm going to have to let someone go."
As he walked through the atrium separating the two main buildings, C. mentally rehearsed how he was going to break the news to the one employee he thought might be vulnerable and fought back a wave of nausea as he did. She was a single mother with two school-age children and no savings. Letting her go was wrong because she knew her job and did it well without complaint or excuse. When he arrived at the HR representative's office, his boss was there. Suddenly it dawned on C. that the impossible might happen.
"Good morning, C. How are you?" he asked.
"You tell me," C. responded warily.
"Have a seat," said the boss. "Your position has been eliminated, effective immediately. Liz will explain your severance package to you."
"Is this a joke?" asked C.?
"I'm afraid not," said Liz.
"Good luck," said the boss. He extended his right hand which C. was too stunned to shake, and walked out the door.
When I returned home at noon from running errands, C. was there. I asked to what I owed this lovely surprise.
"I'm fired," he said. "Effective immediately."
"Just like that? No 'thanks for your service', no 'we regret having to let you go', no acknowledgement that your work had made and saved the company millions of dollars every year?"
"Nope. I did, however, get to keep my Blackberry once they wiped it clean of every contact and email and photograph without regard to whether it was business or personal."
"Sweet," I responded with just a hint of sarcasm. "What about severance?"
"Six months," he said. "I guess they think it's easy for a guy my age to find another job."
Wow.
That just happened. So much for celebrating the empty nest and planning a comfortable retirement. So much for sacrificing weekends and vacations in order to close deals on time. So much for the notion that if you work diligently and honestly you will succeed. It's enough to give corporate America a bad name.
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